lunes, 30 de mayo de 2011

Publicidad CLUM (30): MuscleTech (I)

El CLUM se adentra en el mundo de la nutrición extrema de la mano de MuscleTech, una empresa cuyo objetivo sólo puede decirse en inglés: "Boost your metabolism".

Toda la estética y los nombres de los productos no pueden ser más hardcore. Una auténtica maravilla del diseño y el marketing CLUM.

A continuación una deleitante galería de estas bombas dietéticas:

-Nitro-Tech Hardcore Pro Series. Scientifically advanced whey protein powder.

-Nitro-Tech Hardcore Protein Bars. World's #1 selling muscle building protein.

-Nitro-Tech NOP-47. World's first & only pre-workout protein supplement with whey protein isolate & NOP-47.

-Nitro Isolate 65 Pro Series. Ultra premium whey protein isolate formula.

-Cell-Tech Hardcore Pro Series. The most powerful creatine musclebuilder.

-Cell-Tech Power Packs. Creatine formula super pills.

-Creakic Hardcore. Scientifically advanced muscle building creatine pill.

-Aplodan. World's most advanced high threshold muscle hyperactivator.

-Alpha Amino Prototype 216. Next generation super amino complex.

-Leukic Pro Series. Scientifically engineered L-Leucine complex.

-Nitro AminoFX Pro Series. Concentrated, rapid absorbing amino-BCAA formula.

Publicidad CLUM (30): MuscleTech (II)


-Vitakic Hardcore. Advanced multivitamin complex designed for bodybuilders & elite athletes.

-Hydroxycut Hardcore Pro Series. Powerful new weight-loss formula.

-HydroxyStim super-concentrated thermo-stimulant. More powerful than what you're taking now guaranteed.

-Neurocore. The most powerful pre-workout formula ever guaranteed.

-NaNO Vapor Hardcore Pro Series. Powerful pre-workout intensity igniter.

-NaNOX9 Hardcore Pro Series. Our fastest nitric oxide pill.

-Gakic Pro Series. Advanced pre-workout strength amplifier.

-HexaTest Hardcore Pro Series. Scientifically engineered testosterone receptor amplifier.

Publicidad CLUM (30): MuscleTech (y III)

Y más...

-MyoShock HSP. Extreme musclebuilder with heat shock activation.

-ANABOLIC HALO Hardcore Pro Series.  All-in-one post-workout musclebuilding amplifier.

-Anator p70.  World's first muscle gene activator.

-Intravol. Hardcore intra-workout results.

-Mass-Tech. Scientifically advanced weight-gain formula.

-Meso-Tech complete. Advanced muclebuilding meal supplement.

Una auténtica maravilla. Su página no tiene desperdicio... 

viernes, 27 de mayo de 2011

Temazos CLUM (36): Se acabó

Que con los dominicanos no se juega es algo que dejan bien claro los DDP (Dominicans Don't Play), una banda latina muy chunga.

Sin embargo al CLUM le mola mucho el grupo Beatnuts, que a parte de hacer canciones con la cachonda de J-Lo, se marcan temazos clásicos como éste...

[Method Man]

Beatnuts, Mista Mef, you know how we do

"Se Acabo"

[Ju Ju]
Free drinks on the house, word
Everybody drinkin tonight
Por ahi viene el perro, por ahi viene
Cae la gorda por...
Yo check it out
Swing a bat on you like the devil himself
Put it on us, sickness or health
Makin you could only breathe wit help
I ain't playin, you don't wanna hear what you sayin yourself
Hit the street wit incredible beats
We reknowned for tearin it down
Never have you heard a similar sound
Like a drop off when shit pop off, feel a hot one
Side scorching from a hot gun
Niggas get lost in the buildings wit money and the children
Not the type to talk too much and catch feelin
Dominican flag over the bed on the ceiling
Protect everything I rep, that's the first thing
Many things follow, bullet stay hollow
You actin like we don't chew, you can't swallow
Niggas try to change my plans, I'ma beat you till I break my hands
Ju the German every place I stand ("Se Acabo")

[Method Man]
All day everyday ("Se Acabo") mothafuckers!
Step up front! What's goin on?

[Psycho Les]
Aiyyo it's Big Psych, baby you don't want no problems
Suckers want war, then yo bomb em
Bring the heat, squeeze the flame torch
Then peel out in a convertible gray Porsche
I'm three miles ahead of you, I took the plates off
Just in case your snitch wanna get paid off
Pull out the chainsaw, it's A Musical Massacre
Cut the head off the driver and the passenger
Sic my dogs after ya, have you climbin a tree
Just another crime in the street
Ain't nuttin better than findin a beat
So if you find that and try to blow my spot up
("You!") Get shot up "Se Acabo"
Means "It's Over" bro, Method Man on the remix, it's over yo
"Se Acabo" Beatnuts flip the beat, it's over yo

"It's a Beatnuts thing, yo you know how that go" [O.C.]

[Method Man]
What kind of Beatnut am I? Spanish Fly, P-O-P-P-I
(Who got the live special guest for the night?)
Excuse me as I kiss the sky
Yo one on one through the nasal
To put food on the table, I Rush Associated Labels
Huh, ready, willing and able to rock cradle
And rock steady, when I get the drop I drop heavy
Twist the metal, mask the machette
The god don't want beef, he want veggie
Plus signs over Deadly Medley
Who got em gassed on his own Getty
Battery back, he Eveready
Now what's fuckin wit that ha?
Not you, you chocha
I fuck wit Beatnuts, Livin La Vida Loca!
Callate la boca, see the Spanish Fly on the sofa
One word, he slap you wit the toaster
Keep it in the holster on safety
Put yourself in timeout, playin wit this dough, let me find out
You ain't hard to find though, barrel on your tonsils
Sigan hablando y siga mamando
"Se Acabo" "Se Acabo"
All day everyday "Se Acabo" No doubt
What the fuck's goin on? Worldwide!
(Beatnuts)Write your own rhymes "Se Acabo"
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah "Se Acabo"
All you punk niggas walk it off, "Se Acabo" wordup
We ain't playin over here yamean "Se Acabo"

martes, 24 de mayo de 2011

Canteos CLUM (39): Los mejores votos nulos

El ciudadano español es el número uno indiscutible a la hora de hacer dos cosas: insultar y protestar. Hoy toca lo segundo.

El periódico 20 minutos ha recopilado una muestra del ingenio patrio a través del voto que muchos personas dieron el pasado domingo: auténticas perlas CLUM.

domingo, 22 de mayo de 2011

Gente CLUM (36): Xavi, el siberiano

Xavi, autor del blog  CLUM Sovier Russia no quería dejar de hacer acto de presencia en las concentraciones de esta semana y se ha manifestado con todos los españoles que hay en la bella ciudad de Omsk: él.

jueves, 19 de mayo de 2011

Religion Battle (I)

Ahora que las plazas de las ciudades españolas están a reventar de gente acampada, el CLUM les obsequia con un juego con el que pasar el tiempo libre que queda entre asamblea y asamblea: el Religion Battle.

Imprímelas y... ¡A disfrutar!

Religion Battle (y II)

Más cartas para la colección...

martes, 10 de mayo de 2011

Escenas CLUM (30): Mi señora

El piropo condensa en pocas palabras todo una manera de ver el mundo, como muestra el siguiente cortometraje. Aunque tiene ya unos cuantos años, puede que sea el más CLUM de toda la historia.

jueves, 5 de mayo de 2011

Temazos CLUM (35): Always look on the bright side of life

La Vida de Brian acaba con este temazo que hoy al CLUM le apetece escuchar...

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life... 
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life... 
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death 
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life... 
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.
What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

Y como bonus track, la buenrollera versión del siempre CLUM Tenor Fly.